http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/2010/03/public-display-of-morning-sickness.html. Here’s mine:
Okay, so now it’s Dirt’s turn. No, not a puke story. Some random 3-1/2-year-old funness…first off, he told me yesterday “You have no weiner. You have a butt.” One advantage of being a boy is peeing standing up, and I have to explain to him that mommy and Tuesday can’t do that. So while he was proudly peeing while standing, he wanted to be sure that I wasn’t about to try it too. Hence the disclosure. Thanks, buddy!
One night Dirt said the cat, Hotdog, needed to go outside to go potty, but I told him Hotdog needs to stay inside at night so coyotes don’t eat him. Then I had to show him many, many YouTube videos of coyotes. Dirt was very, very concerned for Hotdog’s wellbeing, and said gravely, “We will spank the coyot-ee-uhs very hard when they eat Hotdog,” and made sure that I watched him closely as he demonstrated a very hard spank. One of the videos we watched was a close encounter between a coyote and a guy who sounded Canadian, and as the coyote nipped his foot, the guy called the coyote a f***er, to which Luke quickly replied, “He’s not a f***er!” Thanks for springing to defend the innocent coyote, and with such well-articulated words. Nice.
And I DO have a poop story. Aren’t you relieved? What is a mommy blog without poop and vomit? Really? Soooo Dirt is back on track to pooping on the potty (WOOOOHOOOO!), only he wants to show me EVERY. SINGLE. TURD. INDIVIDUALLY. The reason for this is the fact that I used his competitive side to goad him into pottypooping. Yeah, so…my dearest sister sent me a PICTURE of one of her son’s particularly massive upright turds. I showed it to Dirt as a motivational tool. “Can you beat THIS? We’ll take a picture of YOUR poop and send it back to your cousin and your Auntie!” So. We had a seven-poop extravaganza the other night where I had to take pictures of EACH one. And each one had its own descriptor: Big circle poop, leaning poop, mustache poop (???), left and right poop, etc. Whatever. It worked. And after trying every tactic, from rewarding him with praise or stickers or treats, to threats and punishment (I know, BAD move), taking pictures and versing his cousin is what seems to do the trick. Awesome.