Monday, September 10, 2012

Chubby Spiky-Legged Mouse Lemurs

Hullo friends, family, and total strangers! My opening anecdote will resonate with those of you who can get a little lax about showering at times. My nephew (almost 4) was visiting the other day, and I was wearing capris (because I won't wear anything that goes too far above the knee). As he was walking by, he ran his hand over my leg and swiftly recoiled. “Ow ow OW! What ARE those?” he cried in alarm. Um, stubble, darling. Auntie Sarah needs to shave her leggos. 

Which reminds me, it's fall! Sort of. Well, it's still friggen hot here (90s, too hot for me), but I've seen a few yellow leaves and it's getting cooler at night. Everyone hates me for liking snow, but BRING IT ON! I'm anxious to not feel guilty staying indoors all day, and a cozy snowstorm would suit me just fine. I've never understood how people can live in Colorado and constantly bitch about the snow. I love the snow. And I'm not even an avid winter sportsperson. I mean, I am able to make it down a run without falling down but never got very good. Or at least I was able...the last time I went snowboarding...6 years ago...damn.

But the MAIN reason I know it's officially fall is cuz PUMPKIN flavored stuff is back!
I love me some Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte and Blue Moon Pumpkin! [I also enjoy Shocktop Pumpkin Wheat, but only off the record, since it's a Budweiser product and the husband works for Coors. I only formally endorse Blue Moon “Harvest Moon” Pumpkin Ale. I've been instructed to keep my affinity for any and all rival products on the DL.] I’m gonna hafta get baker-y and do some pumpkin cookies and pumpkin bread, because that would fit right in with my strict diet. Oooohhh my mother-in-law got me some super yummy pumpkin butter which went wonderfully on cinnamon raisin toast. Mmmmmm.


I am also excited for winter because I like wearing sweaters and scarves. Not just cuz they're cozy and soft and I LOVE them, but because I like covering my chunky linebacker arms. (And long pants cover my apparently dangerously spiky legs.) Really, I know I'm not super overweight, and I acknowledge I have an hourglass-ish shape, but my freaking arms, hips, and thighs! YECK. Like shoulder to elbow it blimps out, just like it does from hip to knee. I can't complain too much since I diet and exercise, uh, never. Actually I joined a gym a few months back, but they only have childcare for like an hour, first thing in the morning, and I found it utterly unachievable to get there early in the morning to work out, because mornings and exercise are TWO things I reeeeaaallllly lack motivation for. Long story short, I was only able to go once a week—the day I took the kids to daycare, a glorious day—but now my daycare lady quit on me (absolute tragedy) and I have the kids all the time, so I’m thinking about canceling my membership. Even if it is only $20 a month, I can never make it over. Soooo, I'm just saying, I'll be happy to cover my fat limbs and not be confronted with guilt every time I wear a tank top or shorts. I used my artistic expertise to illustrate how some people have large torsos and thin limbs, while I am the opposite. A masterpiece of epic proportions, if you ask me. Good ol’ MS Paint. 

I am the one on the right, in case you didn't figure that one out. My fat legs look like Aladdin pants.

So anyhooooo...guess what? I have over 500 page views! I know, you all are laughing at me because seasoned bloggers have like, a bazillion, and 500 is nothing by comparison Nonetheless, 500 is kind of a lot of people. Although maybe it’s only the same 100 people, reading the 5 posts I have. Probably. Sometimes I get all OCD and sit there clicking the refresh button to see if the number goes up.

But why do I give a flying…hoot? I was wondering why everyone gets so excited about increasing their views and followers and all that jazz, cuz only a few people actually make a living off this, right? Am I right? (Really, tell me, I don’t know what I’m talking about and am a huge ignoramus on the subject.) Anyway, I was wondering aloud to the hubby why people are so desirous of increasing their readers since no real fame or fortune will probably come of it, and he insightfully suggested that we like the validation that having “followers” provides. Like what we have to say is legit, and people can identify with what’s being said.
That got me thinking about other motives for blogging—at least for these totally random rant-style blogs—and a big one for me is the therapy of writing/journaling. I know I’m not alone in that. The only thing that I think would make this more better is if I got more feedback. I don’t care if I never get more than 520 views (okay I probably would be a little sad), but I do wish more people would comment. How can I have 500 readers (or even just 100) and like three comments? You know WHY I'd like to get more engaged? ADULT CONVERSATION, PEOPLE! Yes, even if I don't know you. I know, after reading other blogs, lots of you fellow “mommy bloggers” are stuck at home with no one to talk to except the mini people that can’t talk all that well anyway. The kids and your computers. And even though conversation via internet isn’t at all the same as real life, it’s better than nothing, and it probably helps you feel less isolated. Right?
We’re kind of like the super gamers who hole up in their dark rooms crouching over the computer day and night, fearing real human contact like a wild nocturnal animal whose eyes have evolved into giant orbs that will burn to a crisp in daylight. No? Just me? I’m totally picturing one of those tiny lemur-ish things with gecko fingers and huge yellow eyes that always look freaked out. Hold on. Gotta google this…Mouse Lemur, perhaps? Okay not really but a hardcore gamer's “friends” could be mostly their online contacts instead of real life friends. I guess that’s the only real parallel. Nevermind. Garsh.
[In my lemur-google, I found this one website with rather interesting content, and I have to share this link now…12 Freaky Looking Animals. Have fun with that. (Look I did an embedded hyperlink! Go me!) And while I’m at it, here is something even freakier: Top 12 Most Modified People. Whyyyyyyyy?]
Whurf?
I hear loud snoring. It sounds remarkably like Dooley. Nope, it’s Bruce sleeping in the shower. He does that. (He also has Mouse Lemur eyes in this picture.) Additionally, there is a newcomer to our neighborhood (bearing in mind we live in a rural subdivision with 2-5 acre lots). A very loud donkey. Only it sounds like a robot dinosaur eating a cow. Seriously. That’s the best way I can describe it. It sounds wounded, and metallic; a cow mixed with the Raptor/T-Rex sound effects from Jurassic Park. Weirdest donkey bray ever. One of our neighbors (maybe the same ones?) also recently acquired a rooster, and those things do not just crow in the morning. 
So I realized something about myself. I like starting new sentences and paragraphs with "So". The other thing I realized about myself is that the last two animal acquisitions were in lieu of having another baby. Like every year I need a new baby, but get a new pet instead, without even realizing it. I got pregnant with Tuesday when Dirt was a year old, and then I got Bruce when Tuesday was 1 year old, and THEN I got Captain Hotdog when she was 2. Whaaaaaat??? Blowing your mind, isn't it? And everyone around me keeps having adorable freaking babies!!!! I was made to swear NOT to get any more pets, so the only way to avoid having another baby is to occupy my uterus with someone else’s baby via gestational surrogacy, which is a possibility. A couple years from now, however, I fear the itch will hit me again. THEN WHAT? I leave you with that conundrum, and also, with this unrelated coolness...
You're welcome.
WHURF?

I have some questions for you...

1. How often do you shave? Really? How often do you exercise? Do you diet?
2. What's your favorite pumpkin product? Or do you think it's icky?
3. Are mouse lemurs freaky or cute?
4. How bad-ass is my drawing?

8 comments:

  1. I tried to comment once, but it wouldn't let me.

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    Replies
    1. Well...YAY! Seems to be working now...?

      Delete
  2. Your drawing has one duck foot.

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  3. And speaking of leg hair, the best thing of all is when the sunlight catches it and you realize you have 6 hairs that are at least 2 inches long.

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  4. Will you have my baby?

    There's a comment for ya. ;)

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  5. Yes Kellie I'll totes have your baby, but it might catch one duckfoot disease. And extra spiky leg syndrome.

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  6. I too wouldn't mind another child...but will NEVER be pregnant again (I turn into a even crazier, unstable b-word then usual...I don't think my marriage could survive another pregnancy) so put me on the wait-list you have going.

    Sarah..I also wanted to say that reading your blog makes me feel like I'm not the only one out there that loves staying at home but can't stand it at the same time...who feels like I have way too much time on my hands yet not enough to get anything done! Kudos for breaking the silence!! Keep them coming...I may be able to cut back on my crazy meds due to these added cybertherapy sessions I've been attending.

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  7. Cara! Glad you feel me on the love/hate, bored/busy SAHM craziness. I think being pregnant again--with someone else's baby--would make me feel like my time at home doing "nothing" would be more productive (literally...producing a tiny human). With this baby wait list, I'll be busy for years! And won't be kicking myself for having another one of my own, because even though I love my babies, three would make me pull AAALLLL my hair out. (Plus MY marriage probably couldn't survive the stress of three kids, even if the pregnancies weren't the bad part.) How many kids do you have? If I had really miserable pregnancies I'm sure I'd stop at one, but I actually don't mind being pregnant. It's an excuse for my laziness. :)

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