Wednesday, March 12, 2014

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Housework Edition



This is just an example of the overwhelming, never-ending crap that happens daily when staying home with the kids. Just like "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie", but terrible and mean--and involves zero cookies--where one chore leads to another, which leads to another, and to another and another and another.
If I want to do a workout video, I’ll see that the dirt, food, and dog hair needs to be vacuumed off the floor first.
If I get the vacuum out of the closet, I’ll see that the canister needs to be emptied.
If I take the canister to the garage to dump it in the trash, I’ll see the garage needs to be swept.
If I go to get the broom out of the laundry room closet, I’ll see the litter box needs to be cleaned.
If I clean the litter box, I’ll notice the washer and dryer are both full of laundry that needs to be processed.
If I process the laundry, I’ll have to take the dry clothes out of the dryer and fold them so I can put the next load in the dryer and another in the wash.
If I fold a load of laundry, I’ll have to take it to the bedroom to put it away (or to let sit on top of the dresser for a week).
If I go to my bedroom with the folded laundry, I’ll see that I need to pick up the kids’ toys and bring them to their rooms.
If I go to the kids’ rooms, I’ll see that they are a complete disaster and I’ll holler at the kids to come pick up.
If I holler at the kids to come pick up, I’ll realize it’s their lunch time so I’ll head to the kitchen.
If I head to the kitchen to make lunch, I’ll see all the dishes in the sink.
If I go to do the dishes in the sink, I’ll see that the dishwasher needs to be emptied first.
If I empty the dishwasher, I’ll see how badly I need to organize the cabinet where the plastic cups go.
If I organize the cabinet, I’ll need to have a beer (seriously).
If I get a beer out of the fridge, I’ll see how much the refrigerator needs to be cleaned.
If I clean the refrigerator, I’ll need to get the cleaner out from under the sink.
If I get the cleaner out from under the sink, I’ll see the Scotch guard I bought and remember how I was going to use it on the couches.
If I Scotch guard the couches, I’ll have to get the dogs off them first.
If I get the dogs off the couches and put them outside, I’ll see that the sliding glass doors are so dirty they’re opaque.
If I Windex the back doors, I’ll see how terribly our deck needs to be fixed.
If I fix the deck—F that—I go back inside.
If I go back inside I will see the kids are about done with lunch and I need to put them down for a nap.
If I put them down for a nap, they’ll need to go poop first.
If they go poop, I’ll need to wipe some butts.
If I wipes some butts, I’ll put the wipes in the trash (because they’ll clog the toilet).
If I put the wipes in the trash, I’ll see that it’s full and needs to be emptied.
If I take the trash out, I’ll walk by my half-finished painting.
If I walk by my half-finished painting, I’ll remember I need to use nap time productively, so I go into the dining room to work on a painting (yes the dining room is my studio).
If I go into the dining room to paint, I’ll need to clear off the table first.
If I clear off the table, I’ll have to empty the moldy food and dishes from my husband’s lunchbox, which was on the table.
If I clean out his lunchbox, I’ll find the letters of recommendation his boss wrote him for admission to a master’s program (the papers are nice and moist and smelly from having such an excellent choice of storage location).
If I find the letter, I will read it and be proud.
If I read it, I’ll remember his laundry. So I’ll go back to the bedroom to put our laundry away.
If I put the laundry away, I’ll have to try on my new dress.
If I try on my new dress, I’ll see how wide I look from behind.
If I see how wide I look from behind, I’ll want to do a workout video…
If I want to do a workout video, I’ll need to vacuum first…

1 comment:

  1. See Seth Godin on Yak Shaving
    http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2005/03/dont_shave_that.html

    Emmett

    ReplyDelete

Mountain Mama / Dirty Hermit

Revisiting and updating the ol' blog today, naturally as a mode of procrastination, when I should be working on some art. Sound fam...