Journal therapy for an artist-slash-mom afraid of losing her mind
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Needles and Moneys
So I went to the acupuncturist for the
second time in my life the other day. ("Acupuncturist" is a word that
I have to type very slowly, with frequent use of the backspace key.) I've
always heard amazing things about the wonders of acupuncture
(a…c…u…p…u…n…c…t…u…r…e), and wanted magic to happen. I was expecting a miracle.
Instant cure to headaches and back pain and/or supernatural feeling of awesome
health and wellness. When such things did not occur, I wondered, perhaps I
didn't believe in it enough. Maybe I need more faith in the voodoo powers of
magic needles, freeing the channels of chi and all that. (I'm aware that
"chi" is actually spelled "qi", but I'm sticking with
"chi". Sorry.) Maybe my logical western medicine brain ruined
everything. While some scientific research has proven results,
I just can't wrap my head around the idea that tiny needles at seemingly random
points on your body have the power to cure all ills. Constipation? There's a
needle for that. Poor circulation? There's a needle for that. Bad breath?
There's a needle for that. Broken leg? Maybe not. Regardless, it's been around for a looooong time and there's gotta be something to it.
I'm going to continue going because I want it to work. I want it to be more
than placebo effect. But hey.It's also
a very common procedure for the day of an embryo transfer—they say it increases
the chances of implantation—so the surrogacy is paying for it each week until
the transfer date. The first time I went, it was a treatment for back pain. The
needles were placed in my right hand, left elbow pit, right heel, abdomen, and
head. Maybe some other places I didn't notice too. So strangely arbitrary in
placement (to the untrained brain anyway). The second treatment was an “overall
alignment” so the tiny quills were running up and down my spine.
I found the whole process
fascinating…and more importantly, restful.
Lie perfectly still in a warm, dark room while listening to soft, soothing
music? Um, yes please. More please. Things that can be described as
"quiet" and "soothing" are few and far between in my life. The needles
were only mildly pokey. Some I didn't even feel. The few that hurt slightly
more apparently were releasing the flow chi, so the ache I felt was allegedly the good kind of hurt.
The only issue I had was the itching.
That persistent, unscratchable itch on my face. Scared to move my right hand
cuz it's a porcupine. Can't move my left arm cuz the inside of my elbow is
bristling. That was the first treatment. The second time I was face down in one
of those donut face pillows, sniffling at the sudden, extreme congestion from
the pressure in my head, wanting to breathe through my mouth but afraid I would
drool onto the floor. I will never understand how mouth breathers can be mouth
breathers. I can’t even sleep if my nose is whistling. I definitely can't sleep
breathing through my mouth. So, anyway, the second time was slightly less
restful, and I had this awful itch on my eyelid that couldn't be helped.
I'm happy to keep going in for
acupuncture, and am still hopeful that I'll get some tangible result. If not,
at least it makes my IPs (intended parents) feel good, knowing that I'm doing
something potentially beneficial for the pregnancy. AND it’s always nice to have a reason to have an outing alone
because then I can go to Kohl’s afterward with my $10 Kohl’s cash and end up
spending $60 instead but I’m only slightly guilty because I got a huge pile-o-crap
because their sale racks are so great, plus they gave me more Kohl's cash so I have to come back again. That Kohl’s cash is a brilliant
marketing scheme. Those jerks.
I ended up with one similar to this.
This is the real leather one.
Speaking of spending money, and while having
a moment to myself out in the world, I also decided, out of the blue, that I
wanted a leather jacket. I was owed a
more expensive, selfish purchase. Something not for the house or for the kids.
Something quality. Not thrift store.
Not Craigslist. Not even consignment.
Or Kohl's. Nope, I snubbed my love of frugality and went for the real thing: Wilson’s
leather. They were having a President’s Day sale and a $500 buttery brown lambskin jacket was marked down to $150.
Still, for me, even the reduced price tag gives me pause. Think of how many
shirts I could buy at Goodwill! Like, 100. Think of all the groceries! Like, a
surprisingly small cart full, but still. Then there was the issue of style.
Motorcycle? Bomber? Blazer? Not sure if I’m bad-ass enough to pull off a
motorcycle or bomber jacket, but the blazer ones are too business-y. I also
have a strangely long torso and all the cropped jackets were super duper short and
boxy on me, but the longer ones always had a belted tie, and make me feel like
I’m wearing an uncomfortable bathrobe. Long story short, I ended up with a beige-colored
faux leather “moto/scuba”-style jacket. I figured I’m seldom in the mood for
things that are tight on my arms so I’m not about to wear the hell out of it or
anything. Or maybe my thrift brain couldn’t bear the thought of spending $150
on a single item. Either way, it was a trying and embarrassing ordeal of
indecision. I inadvertently had three different employees helping me and I
probably tried on the same jackets a bazillion times. Whatever, even $50 is a
Meanwhile my darling husband, who has
recently decided--after enjoying the fruits of his labor, i.e. frozen elk meat, all year--that he is really, really into hunting, has purchased himself
a bow (as in: Robin Hood style bow and arrow, only way more complex…and
camo-colored), and also swears that he needs
a new fly-fishing rod. Now those are
large purchases. As a result, I feel entitled to go on a shopping spree. Yet I
just…can’t…bite the bullet and spend the big moneys. Being dead broke is still
too fresh in my memory. And what about a new deck? New carpet? Painting the
house? New car? So. Many. Things. But that's what they are: things.
...Maybe now I can tell him about that non-cancel-able membership to Massage Envy...